Where in the name of all that is just and good did the weekend go?  I swear, I blinked and it was Sunday night and hell week, aka, the week before the party from hell, was upon me.  Blech...can I tell you how much I am dreading it?

So after my whole post about exercising five days a week, I realized that it may take a miracle for me to get to the gym tomorrow.  I have to work, then have a nail and hair appointment at 1:00.  Working out with tackly nails could be bad but I may risk it.  Because also tomorrow, I have to fix dinner for the family, then go decoration shopping with my sister in law (one of the Chosen Ones) and then I head to Paula's for the night as she has a medical test on Wednesday morning early that she asked me to take her to.  I also have no freaking idea what time this decoration shopping is taking place or how long it will take, though maybe working out after the shopping is a possibility. 

I know I will neither die nor gain twenty pounds from missing a workout, but it is just not in my rules to allow it.  I can't make up the time on Saturday due to the party and on Sunday, I plan on lying around and moaning about how glad I am it is over and I certainly don't want anything to interfere with that.  I have been dreading this party since July so I own the celebration on Sunday, thankyouverymuch.

If I close my eyes will someone just tell me when it is over?

So one of the bloggers I read started a Yahoo Group for WLS folks and one of the gals tonight was asking how to get herself motivated to exercise.  So, I thought I would share with you what I shared with her in the hopes of maybe helping someone out or inspiring someone maybe.  Besides, it is way better and more productive than moaning about this upcoming party on Saturday

So, here is what I shared in my email:

The exercise thing I think I finally have down now, so I'll share with you what worked for me.  I joined the YMCA back in August because I knew that if it was up to me to do the exercise at home or by walking outside, it would never happen.  At home, I simply have too many distractions.  I could started exercising and start thinking "Oh, the floor needs mopped.  I need to dust." ect.  You get the picture.  As someone who never enjoyed exercise, if I could come up with a reason not to do it, I was all about that shit!
 
The YMCA presented it's own challenges and knowing myself, I set up a few basic rules and I MADE MYSELF STICK TO THEM.  Fact is, there is no one who can do this for us and I went into this surgery deciding that I was going to give it all I could.  I wanted to play by the rules and it give it my all.  I didn't want having my insides rearranged to be just one more failed "diet."
 
So, the rules that have been working for me are:
 
1. I work out five days a week.  No exceptions (other than illness).  I generally do Monday through Friday, so if I miss a weekday, I have to be in there on a weekend and that is great inspiration for me because I want my weekends off!
 
2. 95% of the time, I go work out right after work.  This is again, because I know me.  If I go home in between, the chances of me going back out again are slim to none.  This could also work for you if you went right before work, but that isn't an option for me with two kids to get off to school in the mornings.  The only time that routine changes is if I have a doctor's appointment or something after work and in that case, I MAKE myself go in the evening.  If I don't, I am in there on a weekend and I don't want that.
 
3. I alternate working the circuit; upper body one day and lower body the other day.  All five days I end with 40 minutes of cardio (I am working up to 60 minutes but it is a process!).  Some folks prefer to start with their cardio, but as sweating is not something I really cherish, once I am all hot and gross, I want to leave and go home.  That's just me.  The other thing I always try to do is to challenge myself weekly.  Whether it be by increasing resistance on a machine or on the treadmill or elliptical or doing more reps, or whatever.  And it doesn't have to be big.  I am slowly working my way to 60 minutes of cardio and I sometimes increase it by two minutes a week.  I also switch it up; 20 minutes on one cardio machine, 20 on another or whatever.  It keeps me from getting bored.
 
Those are my basic rules but #1 is the greatest of them.  I treat going to the gym like I simply have no choice in the matter, because if I give myself a choice, I won't want to do it. 
 
Now for the good stuff.  I do not enjoy exercise, but what I have found that I enjoy is the feeling of accomplishment when it is over, knowing I have not cut any corners.  I love the fact that I am changing my body.  I started my WLS experience at 315 pounds in April.  Six months later, I am down 82 pounds and still have 73 to go, but I can see and feel definite changes in my body because of working out and I love that.  I don't have all the overhang around my bra anymore.  My body is developing curves (I have never had any desire to be as thin as a rail...I prefer healthy and curvey).  My energy level is now incredible.  I sleep so much better and wake up feeling rested.  Overall, I feel like a different person.
 
Is exercising hard?  Hell yeah, but I find it very worth it.

This post is actually a long distance dedication pictoral post to Kim in Texas, who really doesn't get to experience the vibrant colors of Fall.



To the highest of heights to the depths of the sea



Creation's revealing your majesty



From the colors of Fall to the fragrance of Spring



Every creature unique in the song that it sings.



Indescribable, uncontainable, you placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name, You are amazing, God!



All powerful, untameable, Awestruck, we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim: You are amazing, God!




Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God


You are amazing God

So I have to come clean about something. 

A really long time ago, I was an addict.  And it was pretty bad.  I had to have my fix at least five days a week and when I couldn't get it on the weekends, I found a new way to get it.  Now, almost 20 years into recovery, I'm starting to feel myself slipping up so I need to be accountable here before it all goes south once more.

Twenty years ago, I was addicted to "Days of Our Lives". 

It started out innocently enough.  My mother watched it and during the summer months, when I didn't have school, I started watching it with her.  Then once school would start up again, I would make her tape record it for me. Yes, you heard that right.  It was in the days before VCRS.  Then Robyn and I would listen to the audio tapes any time we could.  Once VCRS came out, we were in heaven; we could watch the episodes and actually SAVE the ones we didn't want to part with.  And dare I say, I still have some VHS tapes upstairs from twenty years ago?  I do.  I can't bring myself to part with them.

DOOL was the reason I wanted to marry a Brit as I was hopelessly in love with the character of Shane Donovan.  Robyn and I went a step further in high school and started writing fanfiction about the soap; I have a closet full of notebooks upstairs (Again, before the age of computers!).

As I grew older, and storylines became more ridiculous (Marlena possessed by a demon?  C'mon!) I stopped watching.  It was difficult as there are no twelve step programs for soap opera addicts, but I did it.  I cut loose from the show and have barely not looked back since. 

But now I find myself slipping and I swear, it was all completely innocent.  I started working out.  See, they have these big televisions at the Y and as I go right after work at 12:30 and DOOL starts at 1:00...well, it is up there on one of the screens in Close Captioning.  But I kept my iPod on and tried to ignore it.  Then I would occasionally chance a glance at the television set. What I discovered was that like 80% of the characters who were on when I used to watch it are still there! 

That's when it started getting bad.  I started reading the Close Captioning when I was on the treadmill and the elliptical.  But I swore to myself I would never go back to DVRing it.  Nope.  Never.  Watching words at the Y was innocent enough; I don't even get to see the whole thing!

Today, I unplugged my headphones from my iPod and plugged them into the volume/channel control for the television and listened to it.

DVRing is only a matter of time without intervention.

So Blogger Through Thick N Thin gave me a lovely award (I really need to know her name...but Deb is sticking out in my head.  Am I right??) and as my earlier post today was all full of piss and vinegar (and to an extent I still am full of that but am trying not to think about it) I thought I'd pass this along.  "Deb", if that is indeed your name, thank you!

The Kreative Blogger Award requires that you list 6 things that make you happy and pass it on to 6 other bloggers.  So, for me:

1. My faith
2. My family
3. My cats
4. My wonderful, incredible friends.  I have no idea where I would be without them.
5. My husband, even when he is in a bad mood.
6. The ocean and all nature, but especially the ocean, which I cherish beyond words.

I award this to the following bloggers:

1. Kim

2. Laura

3. Jil

4. Meg

5. Lacy

6. She's a Rebel

So with T minus 9 days until the party from hell, my irritation has already begun.  In the event any of you need a reminder that I am still riding the tail of the last family drama, you can refresh your minds http://knitten-kittens.com/2008/07/24/the-real-scoop--happy-birthday-to-me.aspx. 

So now the same sister who came to the beach without bothering to tell me she was coming, is sending emails out to the family about their arrival plans next Friday and how she and her hubby and my niece and my other sister are all planning to stay with my brother, aka "The Chosen One" (as I am the opposite and not the chosen one apparently, which is fine.  I'm used to it.  I'm also accustomed to the smell of manure, living close to a farming community, but I still don't necessarily like my nose rubbed in it) on Friday and maybe my other brother and sister in law would like to come over too for an impromptu party.  No mention to me or my family, which again is fine.  At this point, I'd rather eat poop then to go hang out on a Friday night with this sister.  Then she goes on about Saturday and how they can go out and get stuff for the party and decorate, etc.  She ends with the fact that she can't wait to see everyone, especially Kim and The Brit because they must look fabulous.

Should I feel as patronized as I do?  I don't think I can look at this objectively because though I don't think about the whole beach crap very often anymore, it only took this one email to bring back all of my bitter and hurt feelings.  I have been DREADING this party ever since July when it all came to light and I wish I had a time machine to make it suddenly be October 19th and the whole ordeal was behind me. 

I am very blessed.  I am and I know I am.  I have a wonderful immediate family.  I have amazing friends.  I have a few siblings I genuinely get along well with.  My blog/internet comrades are incredible.  I am surrounded by funny, honest, REAL people who I don't have to second guess all the time.  I keep trying to remind myself of that as I mentally prepare for this party. 

I just want it to be over.

Though it has taken from 2:15pm until now, 10:17pm, we are now the owners of a security system on the house. Two weeks ago, I'd of never thought it was something I wanted or needed, but once someone has been in your house and has gone through all your stuff, helping themselves to what they want, well, it kind of changes your perspective.  Now at least when I leave my house, I know that if someone tries to get in here, the police are going to be immediately notified.  They also put in a smoke alarm so that if my house catches on fire while we are away, the fire department will be notified, thus hopefully saving the lives of six cats and a guinea pig if we are not home.  I guess that technically, we just purchased peace of mind and I can live with that.

In even better news, the new camera will arrive tomorrow!  I am very excited about that and we were even able to upgrade to the Canon 40D.

Okay, it's getting late and the security guy is just now leaving so I am calling it a night!

Have any of the rest of you been completely enthralled with the case of missing Caylee Anthony?  I have her name set up as a Google alert so that I get updates periodically during the day and it is pretty safe to say that I am obsessed.  Yes, I know that there are hundreds if not thousands of missing children out there, but when one child gets this much media coverage and a case has this many twists and turns, it is hard not to follow it closely.

I heard today that Mommy Dearest, Casey, has been upgraded from a person of interest to a suspect and I think it is about time.  I'd also like to see this woman mentally assessed so we can find out if she is just crazy or more like guilty in her child's disappearance with not reporting her missing for 31 days.  Then she lies to the police and sends them on wild goose chases to places she has never worked and to people she has never met and it blows my mind how they keep releasing her from prison.  Some say they want to keep her out in the hopes that she will lead authorities to Caylee, but I think that is doubtful.  Today I heard that she wants permission to leave her parent's home in order to search for her daughter.  I say keep a close eye on her lest she try to disappear just like little Caylee did. 

Though I pray daily that this little one is found alive, I think hope is waning on that happening.  Though how someone could hurt this little child, any child, is beyond me.  If Casey is responsible and didn't want Caylee it seems to me that there were two grandparents who would have gladly taken her. 

So what do you think?  Do you think Casey Anthony is responsible for whatever happened to her daughter?  Do you think she knows what happened?  And what about Caylee?  Is is alive and safe out there somewhere or safely in the arms of her heavenly Father? 

So I've been sitting here at the computer for the last few hours, scanning photos for my mother's 80th surprise birthday party on the 18th as I'm in charge of the slide show.  What I realized is that I can share some of my younger photos with all of you after completing all this scanning!



One of the few photos of me when I was a normal size.



mom, me and my three brothers.

Then we start to balloon....



Mom and my neice, Danette in the front.  Then in the back from left to right: me, brother John and my other neice, Kim.



Me in the front next to mom, looking gorgeous as now not only was I packing on pounds, but I had glasses and straight hair to boot.  Please note the lovely ponytail holder...not sure where I was going with that.  Behind us are my sister, MaryAnn, her hubby, Ron and one of my older brothers, Doug.



Now we are jumping ahead a whole bunch of years.  This was probably 13 years ago...I'm the one who is as big as a house, if you had any doubt. From left to right: Sister Connie, Sis in law, Cathy, mom, John, my x-roomie, Mike and me.



This was taken in Baltimore...not sure how long ago.  I'd venture to say it was a year or so before I met The Brit.  Front row, my dad (who died in 1999) my mom, me and back row: Neice Becky, her dad Denny, sister Vicki, sister Maryann and her hubby Ron.



And finally, my parents, The Brit and I on our wedding day.  Yes, we got married on the beach.

Thus concludes our fat tour of 2008.

Weekends are just not normally blog-worthy.  I mean, they're nice and often times relaxing but nothing of interest really happens.

We went to a Fall festival yesterday and it was nice.  Didn't buy anything other than soup but I did get to commune with some horses for awhile. 

Today was the animal blessing at church and it was really neat.  We had cats, dogs, guinea pigs and one hermit crab and several of the folks who brought them were not members of our congregation.  It struck me funny that folks won't go to church but they will bring their animals to blessed.  Shows us how truly important to us our furry friends are!

In more exciting news, if you read my weight ticker, I am now down 80 pounds! The other biggy is that on a whim I tried on a size 20 jeans today and they fit me...easily!  One of my ladies at church hugged me this morning and told me how wonderful I looked and another one told me I was getting curves.  I never want to be a stick insect; I like having curves.

I wonder if the novelty of weight loss ever truly wears off?  I am just delighted every single day with how I look, feel, and what I can now do. I like going to the gym five days a week because I CAN DO IT.  It is no longer a massive effort just to drag myself there and though I truly WORK when I am there, the sense of accomplishment I have once I am finished is amazing.  I challenge myself each week to do something a little longer, a little harder or to try something new altogether.  I'm 42 years old and feel younger than I have felt in I know 20 years. 

I want to revisit the list I wrote back in March of 2008 to see where I am 80 pounds later.  Let's have a peek, shall we?

• Be able to bend over comfortably to tie my shoes CHECK
• Take baths ACCOMPLISHED AND I EVEN BOUGHT BUBBLE BATH YESTERDAY!
• Sit on the floor without having to worry about how to get back up. GETTING THERE
• Be able to lie on my stomach without my boobs asphyxiating me.  DONE!
• Running up and down the steps instead of barely making it.  DONE AND I LOVE IT!
• Get rid of my CPAP machine!  (Cannot wait for this one!) STILL CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS ONE
• Buying clothes in a normal store ALMOST
• To be able to fit comfortably into my car seatbelt and to not have to use an extender on an airplane
• Booths at restaurants CHECK ON THE CAR...HAVE NOT FLOWN SINCE A MONTH POST OP
• To be able to cross my legs YES AND IT'S FUN
• To be able to sit Indian style (I so miss that) YUP!
• To be able to take my kids to amusement parks and ride the rides with them! NO PARKS YET
• To go dancing again NOT YET BUT I COULD
• Horseback riding SPRING
• Bicycle riding DONE!
• Shop at Victoria's Secret (so I can find out what the big secret is!) BOOBS ARE STILL TOO BIG
• To not have lower back pain every morning HAVEN'T HAD IT IN MONTHS!
• To actually have a napkin in a my lap be useful (as opposed to my boobs catching all the food) HAVE NOT RUINED ANY CLOTHING IN A LONG TIME
• To have a really short haircut! AND GETTING SHORTER WITH EACH CUT
• To get out of the back of a car gracefully DONE!
• To not mind having my picture taken! GETTING BETTER
• Actually looking cute in overalls! HAVE NOT BOUGHT ANY YET IN A LOWER SIZE
• To not have to deal with the innuendos relatives make about my size THE COMMENTS THEY NOW MAKE ARE GOOD ONES!
• To have lots of energy ABSOLUTELY!
• To feel normal for the first time in my life SO CLOSE!

Again, amazing.

and to end on an amusing note, JJ has taken to making up his own medleys apparently.  He started out wtih "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns, which we sang in worship this morning and ended it with a show tune.  It went a bit like this:

"I am a flower quickly faded, here today, gone tomorrow, a wave in the ocean, a dhujfhdj in the wind.  Still you here me when I'm falling, I am yours....tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow.  You're always a day away!"