So just how much trouble can one 15 year old kid get into less than a month into the new school year?  Holy hell, it never ends!  In the last two weeks, we have had the following:

 

• Assignments not turned into the teacher.
• Sleeping in class
• Playing his ipod games in class (the ipod has been grounded to the house)
• a stolen calculator.  He says a friend of his found it at the school and gave it to him.  It is now in the hands of the school.
• A 52% on a test.

Am I missing anything?  So we have implemented several things for him:

• The teachers are sending home progress reports each Friday.  If he gives them to me, and he has no missing work for the week, he gets his ipod for the weekend.
• He now has an implemented study time, five nights a week from 7:15-8:00.

Why does this ADHD teenager thing have to be so damn difficult?  He is a likeable kid and capable of really good grades.  But he does not do homework and the work he does in class he forgets to turn in.  He makes stupid decisions like taking this calculator the kid offered, which The Genius admitted was school property.  I explained to him that maybe his "friend" stole it and didn't want to get caught, so he pawned it off to the first doofus he could find.  Enter The Genius.

He is currently sitting across the living room watching a football game with The Brit and I find myself wondering if he is even worried about the situation tomorrow as I emailed the math teacher and his guidance counselor, so we can make this calculator thing right.  Does ADHD even give him the capacity to be nervous over something that has not happened yet?

Anyway, I have been in serious fall cleaning mode the last two days because I have a new love.


I have a terrible ladder phobia.  They scare me...I am scared to death of falling off the stupid things.  But this little gem that I asked The Brit to buy months ago, is the dog's whatsits.  It is safe and sturdy and has a place to put paint or glass cleaner or a bucket, the possibilities are endless!  It has opened up a whole new world of cleaning for me and it is cleaning without fear.  I just got this one out of the basement for the first time since we bought it and have marvelled at it for two days now as I have used it.  I have cleaned windows and washed curtains and painted the door frame.  I have cleaned blinds and removed cobwebs from the ceiling.  I am in love.  I may grow to love it more than my Dyson.

I really am a simple girl....so I can I please just have a semi-easy son?

Isn't it odd how there are suddenly moments when we feel overcome with emotion?  I had one of those moments this morning as I had to take The Lawyer to school as his bus was late and I could not leave for work until I knew he was safely on his way to school.  So, it was easier and faster for me to just take him, plus for someone who struggles with patience, taking him was being active as opposed to sitting and waiting for the already late bus.

As I dropped him off, I suddenly felt teary as I came to a sudden realization that this child, for all his arguments, is my hero.  When I was his age, I carried extra weight on me, but the fact remains that given the right tools and motivation, I could have lost the weigh.  The Genius, who is ADHD, is able to hide his disorder.  He looks normal on the outside as no one can see the way his brain functions.  Yes, he has his own challenges, but they are better hidden from the world.

The Lawyer, however, was born without digits on his left hand.  His "handicap", which has never really been a handicap for him, is out there for everyone to see, to stare at, to question, and children especially will always question someone or something that is different from themselves.  The Lawyer is not always comfortable answering these questions but yet he does, with a simple "I was born that way."  I can see at times he is self conscious about it as when going into a new situation with new people, he will pull his jacket down to hide it.  I won't go out of the house without makeup on...but he goes out every single day with his difference, prepared to face any questions, and on occasion, teasing that comes his way.

The children he has been in school with the last six years now know him as they have been in the same school together for that time.  He wins them over quickly as he is outgoing and heaven knows, talkative.  But in the sixth grade, several elementary schools merge into middle school and The Lawyer will be confronted with kids who don't know him and it begins for him all over again.  Middle school is also the age where children can be the cruelest and I suddenly wanted to weep this morning thinking about it, about the challenges he faces.  I found myself wishing with my entire heart, that I could give him that hand back; not a substitute hand, but the real thing.  I wish I could make that I had given birth to him and he was perfect, with no external flaws for anyone to gawk at or to question.

But that is but a wish that cannot come true.  Yes, there are prothesis, which he has not yet had a need for, but that is still a difference.  I can't change for him this part of what life has dealt him, no matter how much I want to.  But then I think to myself that in God's eyes, and mine, he is wonderfully and perfectly made.  I know that his ability to cope with this is going to make him stronger in the long run, that he will develop skills that some of us can only wish we had.  That knowledge does not make me want any less for things to be different for him, but it does change my wish to a prayer that The Lawyer always handles his difference with grace, that he never takes cruel words thrown his way to heart nor does he retaliate them and that he comes to know just how perfect he is in the eyes of his heavenly Father and his parents.

I may be PMSing as these kinds of emotions usually don't overcome me.  I look at The Lawyer and rarely see his "little hand", but today I was just overcome with all he must deal with on a daily basis.

On a South Beach note, I finally had a bowel movement and dropped two more pounds for a total of 8 so far.  Told ya.

So there has been no new losses on the South Beach front since Friday.  Friday I was down 6 pounds and I have held that number over the long weekend.  Granted, I did not work out over the holiday weekend and I am convinced I am simply one good bowel movement away from another five pound loss and I am really hoping that happens soon.

Went to lunch today with friends and then did some shopping, which was fun, though I got home really late and then had to race upstairs to change for kickboxing and fly back out the door in order to get gas on the way as I was rapidly moving to empty.  Then it was home, get dinner on the table, clean up dinner, start laundry, pack lunches, deal with a work issue and then write the blog. 

Anyone being supportive on Sunday for the skit, the service is again at 10:15 and if you bring a little covered dish or dessert, I can promise a great luncheon afterward.  I'm really rather nervous about this whole skit thing.  I have it memorized but my last two auditions have me convinced I apparently suck as an actress or at the very least, as an auditionee.  Didn't have to audition for this one, so hopefully all goes well and it will be well received.  Always makes me nervous at a combined service as well as some of the second service people just make me nervous!  I realize a skit is not "real" theater, but for me, it is as close as I have come in about eight years.

Hitting the gym tomorrow after work as now with three days off from it, my arms are no longer yelling at me as I have been working them rather hard in the hopes of at least reducing my batwings a little bit.  Not sure there is any real cure for that,  but hey, worth a shot, right?

So can someone explain to me why men cannot make decisions?  Case in point.  Yesterday, The Brit and I were contentedly watching television, The Lawyer was playing at a friend's house and The Genius was upstairs doing whatever teenagers do.  The Brit started getting antsy, remarking that he wasn't sure he wanted to sit and do nothing all day.  When questioned as to what he wanted to do, he didn't know and asked what I "needed" to do.  I remarked, I NEEDED to get cat food but that was it.  I said at some point soon, we needed to go to Costco.  That was all I had.  He finally decided we were going out but when he got in the car, he got a bit assy, saying "No one is telling me where we are going!"  When did this become my issue?  I was relatively content at home.  See guys, here's the thing.  We love going out and we have lots of things we like to do, but THEY ARE OF NO INTEREST TO YOU.  I could quite happily go walk around the mall, or the outlets, or even Target, but trust me, you men are not all that interested in going those places.  I am the minority in my family as the lone female, but will gladly go along with you to places that don't particularly interest me, but don't expect me to have a list of suggestions of places to go that do not really interest me.  Make sense?  I think so.

Still only down 5.8 pounds but did poop again today!

The Laywer loved Outdoor school and when I offered to take him to lunch he was dead set on Burger King....so as I don't eat that, I took him through the drive thru.  One day when he is older maybe he will get the concept of a nice lunch with mama.

I ran my skit twice today at the church in front of empty pews and felt rather confident. Other than peeking for a few bits of wording, I know it.  I definitely know the flow of it so it is just fine tuning at this point.  I plan to run it once a day next week providing no one bothers me...and I don't want The Church Lady to know I am doing it at all or she won't come...after all, she doesn't like to see "the same people up there all the time."

The Brit is on his way home and should be here by the start of fire pit.  YAY!  The Genius and his attitude are at a football game.  Hope the stadium is big enough for two teams, fans and one huge attitude.  It is iffy at best.

Jimnotmike says he drank on South Beach but I don't do straight rum.  So where does that leave me?

Got in my fifth workout of the week today and dang if my legs are not just tired!  I wonder if it is the lack of carbs as with running, they tell you to eat carbs before a run.  My legs were positively DEAD yesterday morning.  No energy at all.  And it wasn't much better today.  So either I am dying of an undiagnosed disease that is sucking all my workout strength or it has something to do with South Beach.

Okay, short and sweet today.  Everyone have a fantabulous weekend!  Stay safe and have fun!

1. I just had this entire post written when my computer locked up and killed my post so leave lots of comments as I am rewriting the WHOLE FREAKING THING!

2. This week has had its difficult moments with The Genius.  When The Brit is away, The Genius forgets things like rules and manners.  This morning when I was at my desk, he walked in, and put a form on my desk and walked away without a word.  It was the form for the $55 athletic fee for Cross Country.  I told him tonight that until he learned to communicate what he needed I could not be bothered to write a check for him.  So far, he is still not communicating.

3. I have been awake since 3:49 this morning.  Just woke up and could not go back to sleep and then my alarm went off at 5:30 to run.  My run was crap, probably due to being up since 3:49.

4. I had a fight with The Church Lady (TCL) this morning and when it happened The Council Member (TCM) was in my office and she could not believe how TCL picked the fight.  It started because TCM gave her a list of people from the early service who were willing to go into a rotation to read the lessons.  TCM suggested TCL put it on a calendar so people knew what month they had to read and TCL completely poo-pooed this idea as it is her way or the highway.  I was on the rotation and TCL remarked that I was her backup person (and I very rarely have to fill in for someone) and she also remarked that another man loved to read and might want to read more often than once every nine months (trust me, no one is lying awake in excitement waiting for their next month to lay read).  I told her that loved to lay read but she never asked me and she replied that I was in the praise band so she didn't want to use me (important to know that she uses several other praise band people and several people on the choir) and I told her it did not interfere with my praise band duties.  Then she said that the people sitting in the pews don't like to see the same person up there all the time.  So obviously, it is me she has a problem with.  I stood up and said "I have to use the bathroom and you don't listen to anything I say anyway." and I left the office.  When I returned she asked me a question she knew the answer to and I said, "Don't ask me; I don't know anything." Then she said, "Well, you do,  you just don't want to talk."  Nope honey, not to you.  Then she finished her bulletins and slammed out of the office.  A seventy year old tantrum and I don't care.  She is the most pessimistic person I know.

5. I am so glad it is a three day weekend and I have extra time in this week so I am going to leave early and go to the gym tomorrow before picking up The Lawyer when he returns from Outdoor school and maybe taking him to lunch.

6. I wonder if he will confess to having a good time or if he will play it cool and say it was awful.

7. I went shopping today and got an amazing pair of sandals at Penneys for 9.97.

8. For anyone wanting to be supportive, at our combined service on the 12th, at 10:15 I am doing the drama monologue "Rocks"for the sermon.  Would love to see some of you there.  I have always wanted to do this skit and hope I do not screw it up.

9. So due to this skit, I was trying to find the right shirt to wear for it today...but I couldn't find anything
I liked that matched the sandals.

10. I am really tired and hot.

11. I have no idea what I had written for the last few things before my internet became an asshat.

12. I did no housecleaning today and all and it was very freeing.

13. South Beach score after day 4: Pounds-5, poops-1, clogged toilets-1.  And Tod, thank you for the omelet suggestion.  This morning I had an omelet with cheese, onion and avocado and because I was so missing the sweetness of my toast and jam, I put a tablespoon of sugar free peach jam on it too and it was divine.  I am in love with the SB S'mores bars too...yum.  And not in love with tomorrow being the first fire pit night i cannot drink due to SB.  Le sigh.

So yesterday morning, I was driving The Lawyer to school as he was leaving for Outdoor school until Friday.  He was loathe to go; he wanted to stay home.  I kept encouraging him to experience all he could in life and that I knew he was going to have a great time.  He told me to stop saying that because it was not true.  I asked him in Lane, his best buddy, was going and he said:

Lawyer: No.

Me:  How come?

L: He didn't want to go and his parents aren't making him.  I wish I was his brother.

Ah well, he is there and probably having a great time by now.

The Genius on the other hand....third week of school and he is already short 4 out of 6 assignments in his Government class.  Le sigh. 

South Beach day three and I am down three pounds.  Honestly, it has not been that difficult and it is amazing how much carb eating is nothing more than habit.  Carbs make you hungry for more carbs and due to not eating any, I am eating much less as I am not craving anything or feeling hungry.  I do hate the eggs for breakfast as my oatmeal helps keep me regular and you all know what I mean.  In a nutshell, I have not pooped today and that concerns me espeically given my 'roid issues of the past.  Ugh.  Other than breakfast it is all good...I just cannot wait to get my oatmeal back!

So on day three, Pounds: 3  Bowels: 0

You know, I always tend to jump into something head first and then doubt my ability to follow through.  This has always been especially true with writing.

I love to write fiction and I dabble in it on the side.  I love spinning a little tale, often for my own amusement or maybe for the eyes of one other person or even a message board of faceless writers.  My reviews have always held high praise but yet when it comes to the thought of writing a full length novel, I freeze up in terror.  I keep trying to squelch this particular fear but how do you decide for it to be okay to put your dream out there for someone else to judge? 

My weekend in DC has brought around an opportunity for a writing contest and yours truly signed up and is now doubting the wisdom of that decision.  A minimum of 10,000 words by January 15th.  A story of the Christian fiction nature.  Oh, I have the story in my head; it is getting it down on paper that scares me and even more than that?  The first paragraph.

That first paragraph has to grab readers and I agonize over it even when just writing something anonymously.  First paragraphs are terrifying.  It's the selection of exactly where the story begins and sometimes beginnings can have several options, but it has to captivate the person who picks up the book in a bookstore and opens it.  The reader has to want to know what happens next in order to take that book to the register and purchase it.

Granted, I don't have to start writing with the first paragraph.  I can start somewhere in the middle, leaving only a rough draft of the beginning to go back to later when I am feeling more confident, but then it is looming over my head the whole time; that concern of will I come up with something good enough. 

And what if I pour my heart and soul into this only to fail?  That's the real fear, isn't it?  To find out that something you have always in your heart known you should be doing with your life is not good enough.  That you weren't as talented as you'd hoped. 

In doing a little blog reading today I found this quote:

"Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure."  ~Author Unknown

Okay.  So it is time for me to step out and mean it this time.  How do I make that happen?  If anyone has been reading here for the last several years, I have declared before that I am going to write a book.  A few rough drafts later and it is tossed on a proverbial shelf collecting dust and nailed to the shelf by my fear. 

Does the fact that I can't let go of this dream mean that God is trying to guide me to it but I am resisting?  Sometimes I wish He were not so subtle.  There are times a brick upside the head would be too subtle for me.  I am a stubborn chick and at times that gift serves me well and at other times, not so much.

I have decided that maybe I need to approach this a different way, but for those of you here for a health blog, I should probably not go into my Christian-type plans.  Then again, do I have any need to be afraid of putting it out there?  Are you all going to judge me?  And isn't health about overall health?  About mind, body and spirit? 

So my spiritual health is going to be getting some work done very soon.  It's important and maybe in that work, I will be able to let go of my fears of failure with a sort of reckless abandon and stop allowing my fears to dictate what I do or don't do.  Maybe the work will allow me to listen with my heart and not with my mind, which is o so imperfect.  I need to find my ability to commit and to not doubt my abilities.

So what works for you?  What are you afraid of and how do you overcome it?

 

Sorry I was out of commission for a few days but our hotel wanted to charge 9.95 a day for internet, despite the fact that all other hotels in which I have stayed give you wireless.  But Women of Faith was fantastic.  Just a few highlights:

1. Patsy Clairmont  and Marilyn Meberg  are by far my favorites.  They are amazing speakers, making you both laugh and cry. 

2. Mandisa , American Idol cast off a few years ago is incredible.  The joy and honesty that pour from her are breathtaking.  She was with us last year in DC as well and spoke of how she had lost something in the vicinity of 60 pounds.  This year she confessed that she had been struggling with her weight once more and had gained back.  She spoke of how she labeled herself on Idol as "Fat Girl" and then last year as "Fat Girl in Remission" and now "Failure".  She spoke of trying to see herself as God sees her and wow, shouldn't we all do that?

3. Andy Andrews.   Look him up.  Wow, just wow.  I told Shell I would like to take him home in my pocket but he would not stay there and Shell remarked how it would be like trying to stuff a squirrel into my pocket.  Really high energy.  But I have his books on reserve at the library, my first one being "The Noticer" as he talked a little about the different kinds of people out there, comparing them to certain animals; very intriguing.  His most moving message: Never think that not every single thing we do matters to someone at some point in time.  He gave several historical examples of this that took my breath away.

4. Steven Curtis Chapman  and his wife, Mary Beth. Many of you probably know that two years ago, the Chapman's teenage son was backing into their driveway when Maria, their five year old adopted daughter from China, got behind the car where he could not see her.  It was a tragic accident that took Maria's life.  Steven has written a few songs about Maria that have deeply touched me and this time it hit me that he would probably give anything in the world to have his little girl back with him and there are days I feel I cannot put enough distance between myself, The Genius and The Lawyer.  So, I am really trying...I am a work in progress and thankfully, God is patient with me.

5. Though I am not a big fan, Sandy Patti confessed to getting a lapband and has now lost 70 pounds.  When her doctor suggested it, Sandi told her she felt as if doing that would be cheating God.  The doctor told her that if she was diabetic, would it be cheating God to treat it?  Or if she had a heart problem, would treating it be cheating?  However what would be wrong would be how cheated her family would be if something happened to her.  I liked her a tiny bit at that moment.

I love the conference.  I love the music, the speakers, spending time with Shell, finding fun places to have dinner, all of it.  I am already booked for next year.

I started South Beach today and so far so good.  I got my run in first thing this morning and since then have eaten: two scrambled eggs with lowfat cheese and a piece of turkey bacon (I do so miss my oatmeal tho), a South Beach snack bar, a salad with lettuce, cukes, light cheese and avocado, two light string cheese thingies , and some chicken and parsnips for dinner.  I also fixed potatoes and stuffing but did not partake of either. 

This week it will only be The Genius and myself as The Brit leaves for Memphis tomorrow and The Lawyer leaves for outdoor school.  Both will be back on Friday and The Genius will have cross country after school every day till 6:00.  I am planning on getting some stuff done around here uninterrupted.

I love them but sometimes less is good so I can get stuff acccomplished. 

I am still keeping my fingers crossed for a really cool opportunity which may not happen but at least I am in the running for it. I should know something by Friday, so keep thinking good generic thoughts.

I went to see "Eat, Pray, Love" today and I have to say...wait for the DVD. The movie seats are not comfortable enough to sit through this.  The cinematograpy was beautiful but it was a rather dragged out movie with little point, IMHO.  Honestly, I thought it would never end.

Now, today my brand new HTC Evo arrived and I am quickly falling in love with it.  We looked at iPhones as my Sprint contract was up and we talked to Sprint as well about their newest product.  The iPhone would have have been way more expensive for very little difference between it and the Evo; in fact, the differences are so insignificant I can't even remember what they are.  The payments and the insurance would have been way more than Sprint, so we stayed with them.  I am tickled to death.  I never saw myself as a gadget girl, but I am becoming more and more of one, probably due to our society and our need to be connected.  Anyway, this thing does everything, music, apps, camera, etc.  I am still working on being comfortable with everything but it is really easy...it's just a matter of learning where it is and how it works.

So now I am all packed and ready to roll tomorrow for DC.  Kids have doc appointments in the morning, then I may stop in at work for a bit if there is time and then we are off.  Very excited! 

Was really happy with myself that I got up to run this morning, less then 12 hours after kickboxing and tomorrow morning I plan to run again.  The weather is cooling down a bit at least with the humidity, so running has been rather pleasant.  I am still constantly amazed that I run at all, yet alone close to three miles.  Still makes me think that anything I put my mind to is possible and I love it.

So now that the California saga is all finished, let me bring you up to date on my life.

The Genius quit the soccer team and joined the cross country team.  YAY!  His buddy up the road is also doing cross country, so that makes The Genius very happy.  His asshat coach did not even acknowledge him when we went to the school to speak to Coach M and the cross country coach.  I think he needs bitchslapped and given half a chance, I would gladly do it as a service to high school boys everywhere.

I am starting South Beach on Monday.  I barely have a plan.  I know I will be having eggs and turkey bacon for breakfast and damn, that seems like a lot for a girl who can just manage to put away one bowl of oatmeal and a banana in the morning and is positively stuffed stupid afterward.  Lunch will be a wrap of some sort...meat, cheese, something.  Dinner, your guess is as good as mine.  I still have a few days to figure it out and The Brit will be away a few days next week so I can work things out peacefully without impacting anyone.  The kids don't give a rat's ass what they eat.

I have started fall cleaning.  Cleaned our bedroom today and gave the walk in closet its quarterly cleaning.  No more till next week but I have a list a mile long in my head.

I hate winter but I miss my hoodies.  I actually wore one today as the weather was icky and it was chilly inside. 

I have a lunch date tomorrow with Kirk, Brent and Pook and we are going to see "Eat, Pray, Love" and I am very excited.  I love it when I have people to see a chick flick with as I live with all straight men. I have no issue going to the movies alone and have done it many times before but it is somewhat of a treat to have company.

Then on Thursday, Shelley and I are off for DC and the conference, so you may or may not have blog updates, but I will probably bring my laptop so it could happen.

I need to get up and run the next two mornings...ugh.  Not ugh on the running but ugh on the 5:30 thing. But it is my way of making certain my workout happens.

What are you willing to do to make sure you fit daily exercise into your lives?